On Staying: Thoughts After Five Years

Five years ago, I showed up at my first Soul Fire Forest gathering as a curious stranger. I didn't know anyone. I wasn't sure I belonged. I almost didn't come back.

Community isn't a feeling you have once and then keep forever. It's a practice. It's showing up when you're tired, contributing when it's inconvenient, staying through the hard conversations.

The romanticized version of community, the Instagram version, is always harmonious. Real community includes conflict, disappointment, the mundane work of scheduling and cleaning and following through on commitments.

What keeps me coming back isn't the beautiful moments, though there are plenty of those. It's the accumulation of small acts of care: the person who checks in when you've been absent, the meal someone makes when you're overwhelmed, the hands that appear when there's work to be done.

Five years in, I'm still learning how to stay. I suspect I always will be.